The Hour of the Wolf
"Minister, I have met Cartagia three times before, twice when he was an infant. He drooled most of the time, I wonder if he's continued the habit. And again when he was 15 trying to peek up the dresses of some young women. I promise you, I will be just as impressed by him now as I was then."
Londo about Emperor Cartagia

"Vir, there is a terrible truth: As one accumulates power, one loses friends. One only has those who wish to use you, and those you wish to use. And yet, in all of this, you have somehow managed to walk through the corridors of power and not be touched. I can only assume you have not been paying attention. And still, the hideous truth is, you are the closest thing I have to a friend. I'm as shocked and dismayed by this as you are, but there it is."
Londo to Vir

Whatever Happened to Mr. Garibaldi
"I was doing fine until you showed up with that... thing in hand."
"It's a Minbari fighting pike, several hundred years old. You are just jealous because you don't have one. Bad case of pikal envy, if you ask me."
G'Kar and Marcus

  The Summoning
"What's next on the list?"
"Sector 87/20/42. At least a dozen ships have reported seeing something rather godlike in the area, and since neither you nor I were there, it must be one of the First Ones."
"You are having delusions of grandeur again."
"Well, if you're gonna have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones."
Ivanova and Marcus

  Falling Towards Apotheosis
"Then howcome nobody's grilling the Captain? he breezes here back from the dead saying he's much better now thank-you-very-much and everybody buys it. 'Boy, howdy, that's great, yessir, good to have you back.' Meanwhile I get the third degree and 'Are you OK chief?' every time I sneeze."
Garibaldi complains to Zack about the unfairness of life

 The Long Night
"How fast does the poison work?"
"Very quickly, he said almost instantaneously."
"'Almost'? How fast is almost? Time enough for him [the Emperor] to stagger back into the main room and cry out: 'Londo killed me'? Or maybe just enough time for him to say: 'Londo kill... aargh'?"
"And then he won't even get that out, I mean, maybe he just go: 'Lon... aargh'. Or maybe he's totally delirious and then say everything backwards and say: 'Kill Londo... arrgh'"
Londo and Vir plan the assassination Cartagia

"Humor is such a subjective thing, don't you think, Mollari."
Cartagia after having his court jester killed

"I was toasting Emperor Cartagia and since he was not here, I drank for him. And then I couldn't be rude, so I had to drink with him. And so, first it was me drinking for him. And then him drinking for me. And then I kinda got into this kinda cycle. And then... Cartagia... his glass broke... maybe it was my glass actually... Would you like some, because, you know what, this is Cartagia's glass after all, so it would be quite approriate, don't you think."
"You're drunk."
"Absolu... positi... you betcha. I figured it always worked for you, Londo. Look... look, lemme ask you something. How moch more before I can look in the mirror and not see myself? Because I keep looking, and I'm always there. And right now I don't wanna see myself."
Vir and Londo after the former inadvertently killed Cartagia

  Epiphanies
"The royal bloodline isn't what it used to be. Too much intermarrying I suppose. I always say: 'When you reduce a family tree to a family bush, you just can't hide as much beneath it.'"
Centauri Minister to Londo

"Well, I didn't think we'd be seeing you again anytime soon, Ambassador."
"Yes, I gathered that from the look of unvarnished joy on your face when you saw me. Perhaps you would like to sit before you are overcome by ecstasy."
"Thanks, I'm fine. So, what happened? They got tired of you back home?"
"Tired? Of course not, don't be absurd. The Emperor himself said I would only be allowed to leave over his dead body. I said: 'Well, how strange, Mr. Allan said I would only be allowed back on to Babylon 5 over his dead body.' With my very busy schedule I can only accommodate so many requests. I know it's a burden, but you will simply have to wait your turn."
Zack and Londo (who has just assassinated Emperor Cartagia)

"I want you to know that I object to this, Captain. Ms. Alexander has no business being here. She's a blip. By all right I should arrest her and take back with me."
"You could do that. And I could nail your head to the table, set fire to it, and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But it's an imperfect world and we never get exactly what we want. So get used to it."
Bester and Sheridan

  The Illusion of Truth
"Commander! Did you threaten to grab hold of this man by the collar and throw him out an airlock?"
"Yes I did."
"I'm shocked. Shocked and dismayed. I'd remind you that we are short on supplies here. We can't afford to take perfectly good clothing and throw it out into space. Always take the jacket off first, I've told you that before. Sorry, she meant to say: 'Stripped naked and thrown out an airlock.' I apologize for any confusion this may have caused."
Sheridan and Ivanova about a reporter who snuck into the station

"When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean: 'Oh, I think it's a little chilly in here, perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed.' No, I said it was cold! As in: 'Oh, look, my left arm has snapped off like an icicle and shattered on the floor.' This is highly inappropriate, Captain."
"You are right. There are several other parts of your body I much rather see snapped off."
Londo and Sheridan

"Can I sit?"
"That's between you and your chiropractor. I don't get involved."
Randall and Garibaldi

Atonement
"Oh yeah, I should listen to a minbari about fashion. I mean robes, hoods ... I mean, no offence, but I've seen Vorlons with more fashion sense. [a Minbari seamstress pricks him with a needle] Ouch! She did that on purpose."
"Yes, I believe she did. I will deal with this. [in Minbari] Good Work. Give me a moment with the human. And next time... Use a bigger needle."
"[to the seamstress] Yeah. And don't you forget it!"
Zack and Lennier are 'shopping' for a new uniform to Zack

  Racing Mars
"Seven sisters? Saturn? Side of the Ship? Stars! Well it was easy. My turn now. Best out of five. I spy with my little eye something beginning with B."
"Boxes."
"Correct. I spy with my little eye something beginning with M."
"More boxes."
"Two in a row."
"'And that's when I shot him your honor...'"
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with E."
"I give up."
"Oh, come on."
"This better not be..."
"...even more boxes."
Marcus and Franklin getting bored on their way to Mars

"Everyone's entitled to a fresh start."
"You're even willing to forget about the business..."
"Yes, even though it did make Mr. Garibaldi's hair fall out. You had no way of knowing what was in that bottle. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, just in case he asks."
Ivanova and a black market dealer

Conflicts of Interest
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Zathras work here. Zathras were born here. You work up there, Zathras work down here. You dress like that, Zathras dress like this."
"That's not..."
"Just covering all possibilities. Zathras does not want you being confuused. Bye."
Ivanova and Zathras (who was presumed to have travelled back in time)

"Let's try this again."
"As you wish."
"Zathras came with us to Babylon 4."
"Yes."
"Zathras stayed in the past with Valen."
"Yes."
"You are Zathras."
"Yes."
"Therefore, you went into the past."
"No, that was not Zathras, that was Zathras. There are 10 of us, all of family Zathras, each one named Zathras. Slight differences in how you pronounce. Zathras, Zathras, Zathras... You are seeing now?"
"There are ten of you?"
"Yes! Well, nine now..."
"And... Zathras?"
"Zathras gone! Zathras warned Zathras, but Zathras never listened to Zathras. Zathras was quiet one in family. So! What can Zathras be doing for you?"
Ivanova and Zathras

"No one manages poor Zathras, you see. So Zathras talks to dirt. Sometimes talks to walls, or talks to ceilings. But dirt is closer. Dirt is used to everyone walking on it. Just like Zathras, but we've come to like it. It is our role. It is our destiny in the universe. So, you see, sometimes dirt has insects in it. And Zathras likes insects. Not so good for conversation, but much proteine for diet. "
Zathras

 Rumours, Bargains and Lies
"The Maker has gifted us with great big eyes and great big scanners and great big, er... [glances at his nether regions] Well, that is no concern of yours."
Londo explains why the Centauri are superior to the Drazi

"I don't really think it's my place to comment."
"Captain!"
"All I can say is we certainly wouldn't be there if we weren't wanted."
"Then they asked for the ships?"
"I can't confirm that."
"But you're not denying it either."
"But not denying it doesn't make it true any more than not confirming it makes it false. Are you with me so far?"
"I'm... not sure."
"Ambassador, there are so many things in the universe that are and so many things that aren't. If I were to take the time to deny all the things that aren't, we'd be here for centuries, wouldn't we?"
Sheridan and the Drazi Ambassador about the White Star fleet patrolling the Centauri and Narn borders

Moments of Transition
"And... Well, there's just no delicate way to say this. I want your body."
"What! Are you out of your mind?"
"Heh, that's a very funny question to ask a telepath... since we spend so much of our time in other peoples' minds. I don't want it now, Lyta, just when you are not... using it anymore, after... your passing."
Bester and Lyta

No Surrender, No Retreat
"So from now on I guess the operational phrase is 'Trust no-one.'"
"No. Trust Ivanova, trust yourself, anybody else: shoot them."
Corwin and Ivanova

The Exercise of Vital Powers
"Do know how the ancient Greeks defined happiness?"
"Not off hand, but I would be willing to bet it involved three goats and a jug of wine."
William Edgars and Garibaldi

Between the Darkness and the Light
"You've got any proof? Anything to back up this story of yours? Anything?"
"Yeah, I've got a receipt from the Psi Corps certifying that my brain was dry cleaned, pressed and starched."
Franklin and Garibaldi

"I don't watch TV. It's a cultural wasteland filled with inappropriate metaphors and an unrealistic portrayal of life created by the liberal media elite."
A guard

"Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I'm death incarnate, and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me."
Ivanova introduces herself to the enemy

Endgame
"I assume that you worked out that whole longitude-latitude thing. I know you get confused sometimes."
"You're right, you're right. I keep mixing them up... I got it right. Well, I think I got it right. Okay, fine. Which goes vertically, longitude or latitude?"
Franklin and Garibaldi

Rising Star
"You're late."
"No, you're early."
"I never come prematurely."
"Well that is surprise given what I've heard. I'm sure it's a matter of perspective. For a Narn two minutes must be a long time so if you go the duration its an accomplishment. For the Centauri hours can go by before you even get to the good part."
G'kar and Londo

"And stop eating that. You don't even know what it is."
"Something called rice."
"Yes, and if it were very good, do you think they'd been standing there throwing it at people?"
Londo and G'Kar after Sheridan and Delenn's wedding ceremony

The Deconstruction of Falling Stars
"Our marriage ceremonies are solemn, sober moments of reflection; also regret, disagreement, argument and mutual recrimination. Once you know it can't get any worse, you can relax and enjoy the marriage."
Londo

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