Matters of Honor
"You know, I'm getting little tired of these unannounced visits by VIPs who will not tell us why they are coming or what they are going to do when they get here."
"I'll leave it to you to try take all the fun out of life. I mean, come on, where's your sense of mystery, adventure?"
"Are you trying to cheer me up?"
"No, sir. Wouldn't dream of it."
"Good. I hate being cheered up. It's depressing."
"Well, in that case, we all are going to die horrible, painful, bleeding deaths."
"Thank you, I feel so much better now."
Sheridan and Ivanova

"What kind of head of security would I be if I let people like me know things that I am not supposed to know. I know what I know, because I have to know it and if I don't have to know it, I don't tell me and don't let anyone else tell me either."
Garibaldi

Convictions
"There, you see! I'm going to live."
"So it would seem. Well, it's an imperfect universe."
Londo and G'Kar

Voices of Authority
"Good luck, Captain. I think you are about to go where everyone has gone before."
Ivanova to Sheridan who's being harassed by his political officer

"The Minbari taught me: 'Claim victory in your heart and the Universe will follow.'"
"Great. Claim victory in your heart and shove it up your...'"
Marcus and Ivanova

"I think you just hit a nerve. Vorlons must owe them money or something."
"This also tells they understand our language. They are just not willing to speak to us using that."
"Who knew they were French?"
Marcus and Ivanova about the aliens on Sigma 957

"We have to stop them."
"Really, and how do you propose stopping them? Perhaps with a big red and white sign with the word stop on it. Or I'll put a bucket on my head and pretend to be the ancient Vorlon god Booji."
"That's it!"
"Fine, I'll get a bucket."
"I meant the Vorlons."
Ivanova and Marcus trying to talk to the First Ones

Dust to Dust
"[The Minbari are] Decorative, and soft. Probably out to impose their views on everyone else."
"But their cities are thousands of years old!"
"The lack of new construction is a sure sign of a faltering economy. This could make them very aggressive."
"They are deeply spiritual people, Londo."
"That you can leave in. It always scares people."
Londo and Vir discuss Vir's report to the homeworld

"If I had my talent working I could have warned when he was coming."
"And if I had a baseball bat, I could hang you from the ceiling and use you as a piñata."
[A moment later]
"A piñata, huh? So, you think of me as something bright and cheerful, full of toys and candy for young children. Thank you. That makes me feel much better about our relationship."
Bester and Garibaldi

Exogenesis
"Hi! Something I can help you with?"
"I don't know, I was thinking... flowers."
"Thinking flowers is good, giving flowers is better. What's the occasion?"
"I'm not sure, but I think I have a date."
"She asked you out?"
"She asked me in... her place."
"Works fast. Is she aggressive?"
"You could say that."
"Hah. Lucky guy."
"It's not like that. Well, it's not like that yet... I think."
"You don't get out much, do you son?
"Well, I... no... not really."
A florist and David Corwin (whom Ivanova invited to her quarters for coffee)

"There are three of them with guns against two of us with nothing. They'll gun us down before we get half across the room."
"All we need is one of them to leave the room. Then there will be only one man with the gun."
"Excuse me, where I come from one man from three leaves two."
"Where I come from is a far more interesting place."
Franklin and Marcus attempt to escape the Vindrizi

Messages from Earth
"I've taken the opportunity provided by my incarceration to meditate, to think. Sometimes I even sing."
"I know, we got a petition."
"For or against?"
"Based on the sound, they think we are torturing you in here."
Incarcerated G'Kar and Garibaldi

"...And according to one of our units on the border of Centauri space, they've continued massing their fleet. We don't know why. Maybe they expect a counter attack, it's hard to say... And they have much to be concerned about... There's always the threat of an attack by say, a giant space dragon, the kind that eats the sun every thirty days. It's a nuisance, but what would you expect from reptiles. Did I mention that my nose is on fire... That I have fifteen wild badgers living in my trousers... [Ivanova gives him an annoyed look] I'm sorry, would you prefer ferrets?"
Marcus is trying to get Ivanova's attention

Point of No Return
"I thought the purpose of filing these reports was to provide accurate intelligence."
"Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics."
Vir and Londo

Ceremonies of Light and Dark
"Only an idiot fights a war on two fronts. Only the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts."
Londo

"You've been nervous about this ever since I mentioned it. What are you afraid of?"
"Nothing. Well, spiders."
"Marcus, the rebirth ceremony was part of your training on Minbar."
"I missed it, overslept."
"It lasts all day."
"Oh, that's right, I was ill. Wanted to go... couldn't. Same as now. Love to, can't really, next time. Ah, someone I have been waiting for." [he tries to run for it]
Delenn and Marcus discuss the Minbari rebirth ceremony

Sic Transit Vir
"I heard a new joke today... What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"I don't know. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"One angry Narn... with the key!"
Minister Verini and Vir

"And how are things at the royal court?"
"You know, collusion, politicing, scheming, innuendo, gossip. The same old thing."
Londo and Vir

"I would like to see you tonight."
"Are you not seeing me now? I would think that you see me every time we meet, unless I have become translucent or insubstantial and nobody has thought to inform me until now."
"Let me say I would like to see you in a different light, candlelight for instance. Over dinner."
Sheridan and Delenn flirting

"They're getting faster... I could swear they are evolving right before my eyes. If you see something this big with eight legs, let me now. I have to kill it before it develops language skills."
Londo to Vir and Lyndisty about the bugs terrorizing his quarters

"If kisses could kill, that one would have flattened several small towns."
Vir to Lyndisty

"Well, there must have been other women before this."
"There were other women, but I never got past one."
"You mean first base."
"No, no, I mean one... You see, we have six... we have six, you see, and each one is a different level of intimacy and pleasure. First there is one and thats like [makes a gesture of indifference] and then there is two and by the time you get to five its..." [breaths heavily and waves his arms]
"Vir, I got it, I got it, I got it! I, I, I don't know what to say, Vir. I haven't really got this relationship thing down myself, so I'm the last person giving out advice on this sort of thing. All I can say is that enthusiasm, sincerity, genuine compassion and humor can carry you through any... lack of... prior experience with... high numerical values."
"Wow! I'm gonna remember that. Thank you, thank you!"
"Six..."
Ivanova and Vir discussing what women want when "things get, you know, intimate"

"Well, I hope you didn't come for the cuisine either because unlike mister Garibaldi, I'm no gourmet cook. But... what I lack in finesse, I make up in... portions. Barely edible, but lots of it."
Sheridan to Delenn

A Late Delivery from Avalon
"What do you mean, 100 credits?"
"I mean, more than 99, less than 101. What, do you have a hearing problem, or a math problem? Look, I can't get into conceptual arguments with you, I've got people waiting."
"That's three times the delivery charge for package this size."
"That was before we had a revolution around here. Now, in my little corner of Earth Force the mail still gets delivered. If I've got to use trapdoors, alien transports and back channels to get the mail in and out of here, that's what I do, because that's my job. Neither rain, nor snow, nor meteors, nor alien invasion nor..."
"Look, this is extortion."
"It's business. You see, when my costs go up, I have to pass it down along to the consumer. That's you, in case that's another one of those concepts you've got a problem with."
Garibaldi and the man in the post office

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
Marcus

Ship of Tears
"So, how did you find out about all of this?"
"I'm a telepath. Work it out."
Sheridan and Bester

Interludes and Examinations
"Anything I can do to help?"
"Short of dying? No, can't think of a thing."
Morden and Vir

War Without End I ∓mp II
"Back on Minbar there was a saying among the other Rangers. 'The only way to get a straight answer from Ranger One was to look at every reply in a mirror while hanging upside down from the ceiling.'"
"Did it work?"
"Oddly enough, yes. Or after a while you passed out and had a vision. Either way the result was pretty much the same."
Marcus and Sheridan about Sinclair

"Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other peoples needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
Zathras

"Cannot run out of time. There is infinite time. You are finite. Zathras is finite. This... [takes out a tool] is wrong tool."
Zathras

"No-one ever listens to Zathras. Quite mad, they say. It is good that Zathras does not mind. He's even grown to like it. Oh yes."
Zathras

Walkabout
"What guarantees will you give me that the crews will not open fire on a Centauri vessel as it approaches Babylon 5?"
"It's the same guarantee I gave when I said that none of the other Narns would break into your quarters in the middle of the night and slit your throat."
"Mr. Garibaldi, you have never given me that promise."
"You're right. Sleep tight."
Londo and Garibaldi regarding the Narn ships guarding B5

Grey 17 Is Missing
"Thin air? Why is it always thin air? Never fat air, chubby air, mostly-fit-could-stand-lose-a-few-pounds air?"
Garibaldi

"Name?"
"Harry, Harry Sanders."
"Are you a telepath?"
"Sure, what does the job pay?"
"Well, it's not a job, it's more like an adventure. Chance to help fight the bad guys."
"Good. Look, are we talking about hourly or weekly salary, because I've got expenses to cover."
"Well, one thing at a time. If you are a telepath, are you Psi Corps?"
"No, they missed me."
"Psi Corps doesn't miss anybody."
"Well, some things just fall through the cracks."
"Psi Corps doesn't have any cracks."
"I escaped, okay? Now, where do I sign?"
"What am I thinking?"
"I don't work for free."
"What am I thinking?"
"Right... [gestures mysteriously] Got it. And I think you are real cute too. Look, I really need this job."
"But you are not a telepath."
"I can learn. I'm a quick study."
"Out."
"I'll be an intern! I work cheap!"
"Out!"
"Great, see, it's not what you can do, it's who you know. Typical!"
Zack and a 'telepath'

"I'm trying to avoid breaking a promise by breaking a promise. I promised Delenn that I would not speak of this to the Captain or let him know. She did not mention you by name, but that was implicit. If I tell the others in the chain of command, then Sheridan will find out and I will have broken the promise. But if I break my promise by telling you, since you are not in the chain of command, he may not find out about this and I will have not broken the promise."
"I'm in awe, Lennier. The way you can take a straightforward, logical preposition and turned it inside-out so that in the end it says what you want it to say instead of what it actually means. Does this come naturally or did you attend some special martial arts class for the philosophically inclined?"
Lennier and Marcus

Shadow Dancing
"I'll wake you in four hours."
"Thanks. That's assuming I can get any sleep in these. The Captain warned me about these things, but I had no idea..."
"They are very restful, good for the back."
"Well, someday I want to be stationed in somewhere with big four-poster bed, canopy, and maybe a window with a view of a garden."
"I like gardens... and big four-poster beds... [Ivanova gives him an annoyed look] Right. See you in four hours."
Marcus and Ivanova about the Minbari beds

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