Midnight on the Firing Line
"Okay, we made a mistake. I'm sorry. Here, open my wrist."
"Centauri don't have major arteries in their wrist."
"Of course we don't. What do you think I am, stupid?"
Londo and Garibaldi

"So, who are you voting for?"
"I think I'll vote for Marie Crane, I do not like Santiago. I always thought that a leader should have a strong chin. He has no chin and his vice-president has several. This, to me, is not a good combination."
Sinclair and Ivanova on the presidential election on Earth

"Mr. Garibaldi, you are sitting in my station, using my equipment. Is there a reason for this, or to save time should I just go ahead and snap your hands off at the wrist?"
Ivanova to Garibaldi

"The Council, the Council can go to hell. And the emergency session can go to hell. And you, you can go to hell too. I wouldn't want you to feel left out!"
Londo to Vir

Infection
"You still haven't told me when the commander is due back?"
"Soon."
"How soon is soon?"
"Longer than little while, faster than later."
Mary Ann Cramer and Garibaldi

"The last time I gave an interview they told me to just relax and say what I really felt. Ten minutes after the broadcast I got transferred to an outpost so far off the starmaps you couldn't find it with a hunting dog and an ouiji board."
"Don't sweat it. Just be that charming, effervescent commander we've all come to know and love. What's the worst that could happen? They fire you, ship you off to the Rim and I get promoted to Commander. I don't see a problem here."
Sinclair and Garibaldi

"There's a Martian war machine outside, and it wants to speak to you about the common cold."
Dr. Hendricks to Franklin

The Parliament of Dreams
"Are you ambassador G'kar?"
"This is Ambassador G'kar's quarters. This is Ambassador G'kar's table. This is Ambassador G'kar's dinner. What part of this progression escapes you?"
Tu'Pari and G'Kar

"And what happened to the Xon?"
"Dead, all of them, and good riddance. Do you know what the last Xon said, just before he died? [clutches his chest] AAAAARGH!"
Garibaldi and Londo

"[To Delenn] Did I ever tell you that you are very cute for a Minbari? [To Garibaldi] Even you are cute, in an annoying sort of way. Everybody's cute! Everybody's cute! Even me. But in purple... I'm stunning!" [passes out]
"Ah! He has become one with his inner self!"
"He's passed out."
"That too."
Londo, Vir and Garibaldi in a Centauri religious ceremony

"Ambassador, it is not my place to speculate on how anything gets in your bed."
Na'Toth to G'Kar

Mind War
"Good ol' Psi Corps. You never cease to amaze me - all the moral fiber of Jack the Ripper. What do you do in your spare time? Juggle babies over a fire pit? 'Oops, there goes another calculated risk!'"
Ivanova

The War Prayer
"These are my three wives: pestilence, famine, and death. Do you think I married them for their personalities? Their personalities could shatter worlds! Arranged marriages, every one. But they worked out; they inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here, 75 light-years away."
Londo to Vir

Deathwalker
"Ambassador Kosh has been a busy boy today."
"They say God works in mysterious ways."
"Maybe so, but He's a con-man compared to the Vorlon."
Garibaldi and Sinclair

Survivors

"Oh, Mr. Garibaldi, do you really think that I would do such a thing to you, my good and dear friend?"
"In a minute."
"You're right, but I didn't, though I may have an idea who did..."
Londo and Garibaldi

Signs and Portents
"Good morning. The time is 04.30, Earth-standard, Wednesday, August 3rd, 2258. Personal log shows no outstanding appointments. Shall I download station-logs for past six hours?"
"Sure, grab it, store it, shove it."
"Clarification?"
"Never mind. Why does my mouth always taste like old carpet in the morning?"
"Unknown. Checking medical logs."
Computer and Ivanova

"Sleep well?"
"Sleeping is not the problem. Waking up - that is a problem. I've always had hard time getting up when it's dark outside."
"But in space it's always dark."
"I know, I know..."
Sinclair and Ivanova

"Ambassador, I was just on my way to see you. My name is-"
"I'm sorry, but I don't have time to chat right now. I suggest you make an appointment."
"I did."
"Then make another one. Never a transport tube when you need it..."
"Ambassador, I was authorized to speak to you-"
"Yes, yes! Look, what do you want?"
"That's just what I was gonna ask you. What do you want?"
"You are a lunatic, go away. Pester someone else."
Morden and Londo

TKO
"So, how are things back home?"
"They change, they stay the same. Russia is Russia. Your father used to say: 'If regret could be harvested, Russia would be the world's fruit-basket.'"
Ivanova and Rabbi Koslov

"They say food digests better if you chew it first."
"Don't talk, I've seen you eat. Does the term Doppler-effect ring a bell?"
Sinclair and Garibaldi

Grail
"[The na'kaleen are] Hideous creatures, hideous. We came across them in our colonizing days. We lost an entire colony before we threw up a quarantine. The only good na'ka'leen is a dead na'ka'leen. This is of course a purely theoretical question? A whim of yours that... that you might ask? Yes?"
"Well, not really."
"They're not ... They couldn't be here? I'll have the files transferred to you immediately. If you want me, I'll be in my quarters, under top security. I strongly suggest you do the same."
Londo and Sinclair about a na'ka'leen

"Vir! What are you doing?"
"Why, I'm being efficient, sir."
"A few more like you, Vir, and the entire Centauri Republic will efficient itself to extinction."
Londo and Vir

Eyes
"Mr. Gray, I'm grateful the Psi Corps gave you purpose in life, but when that purpose includes scanning my mind to prove my loyalty, it's not only an invasion of my privacy, but my honor. As for fear, if you enter my mind for any reason I will twist your head off and use it for a chamber pot. If you'll excuse me."
Ivanova to Mr. Gray

A Voice in the Wilderness I
"Problem with the transfer tube?"
"No, not really. It seems like every time I get into the tube, Mr. Garibaldi is there. It's like he knows."
"Talia, Mr. Garibaldi is many things, but he's not omniscient." [Garibaldi appears]
"I think I'll take the stairs."
"I think I'll join you."
Sinclair and Talia

"And just one more thing. On the trip back, I would like you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra: 'Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out.' Babylon Control out. Civilians. Just kidding about the God part... no offense."
Ivanova

"The next day, I woke up. I saw her in the light of day, sleeping against my arm and I decided I would rather chew off my arm than wake her up."
"Oh, that's sweet."
"No, no. She had a voice that could curdle fresh milk. 'Londo!' 'Yes, dear?' 'Londo!' 'Coming, my darling. I'll be right there, my love bug.'"
Londo and Garibaldi about Londo's wife

"Now, I go to spread happiness to the rest of the station. It is a terrible responsibility but I have learned to live with it."
Londo to Garibaldi

"You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out, you put your whole self in and you turn yourself about. You do the hokey pokey, you give a little shout. That's what it's all about!"
Londo discovers Earth music

"I know, I know. It's a Russian thing. When we're about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference."
Ivanova

A Voice in the Wilderness II
"So, if we go down there, it blows. If we don't it blows anyway, just a little later. It's a good thing I'm russian, we're used to hopeless situations."
Ivanova

"Ambassador. Do you really want to know what's going on down there right now?"
"Yes, absolutely."
"Boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom. BOOM! Have a nice day."
Ivanova and Londo

"Now, landing thrusters... landing thrusters... hmm... Now if I were a landing thruster, which one of these would I be?"
Londo

Babylon Squared
"Mind if I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Ok, it's morning. You're getting ready to go to work. You pull on your pants. Do you fasten then zip or zip then fasten?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Well look, we've got two hours to kill."
"Forget it."
"It's just a question."
"Why do you want to know?"
"Why do I want to know? Because I think of these things sometimes. I was getting dressed this morning and for a second I couldn't remember which I did first. So, I started thinking about it. Does everybody do it the same way? Is it a left handed - right handed thing?"
"Do you think about this stuff a lot?"
"Yeah."
Garibaldi and Sinclair having a philosophical discussion on their way to Sector 14

The Quality of Mercy
"Here you will see the heart and soul of Babylon 5. Also its spleen, its kidneys... a veritable parade of internal organs."
Londo introduces Lennier to the seedier side of B5

"Right now, I want to introduce you to the ultimate means of interstellar understanding. The Earthers call it poker."
Londo to Lennier

[to Londo and Lennier] "I'm still waiting for an explanation, gentlemen."
"Yes, and I'm prepared to give you one, Commander, as soon as the room stops spinning."
"This station creates gravity by rotation. It never stops spinning."
"Well, you begin to see my problem."
Sinclair wants to know why Londo and Lennier were involved in a bar brawl

Chrysalis
"Now out of that 50 [in the Centauri pantheon], how many gods do you think I must have offended to have ended up with G'Kar's teeth buried so deeply in my throat that I can barely breathe?"
"All of them?"
"Sounds right. And now I have to go back to the Council and explain to them that in the interest of peace the Centauri government will agree to give quadrant 37 to the Narns. I think I will stick my head in the station's fusion reactor. It would be quicker. And I suspect, after a while I might even come to enjoy it. But this... this, this, this is like being nibbled to death by... what are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet... go 'quack'?"
"Cats."
"Cats. I'm being nibbled to death by cats."
Londo and Vir

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